Life Plans

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

He was so excited, like I was unlocking a door, or like puzzle pieces were falling into their designed places.

"Yes," I say. "It's a good idea."

"But you've never wanted to do it before."

"It seems right now."

My husband is not a day to day planner, but big plans are imperative to how he lives his life. He has for years asked me to set down on paper (or, for him, an excel spreadsheet) our life goals. I have not acquiesced, as the mention of an excel spreadsheet seems to send cold chills up my spine (I do not believe every problem can be solved in the cells of an excel speadsheet, and it seemed somehow contradictory to plan out the expansive goals of life on such a software program. Perhaps Word would be better, but the ideal would be a small journal, with all the words hand written). But in my stubborness, I have become lost in a maze of tasks, and the big vision of where I thought I was going has become blurred. So, in an instant decision, I told Chris that it was time to plan it all out.

"Get the laptop. Open up the spreadsheet."

He looked at me like I had asked him to open up a long anticipated gift. We were sitting at the dinner table, surrounded by remnants of dinner. I thought I would be able to compartmentalize goals, making them into convenient check lists, but my husband doesn't work this way, either. He is a fluid thinker, goals are wide and all emcompassing, so mine started to look the same.

I was the first to list my goals. Here is a sampling:

1. Want to travel the world
2. Want to write a book
3. Huge family dinners at our house someday
4. Kids to be happy
5. At peace with God/fulfill life purpose

Some are more concrete than others. Some have a more direct path, where with others, the path has not been located yet. Some I struggle with, some I wonder if they will ever happen. But there were my goals, and it seemed better, them looking up at me from the computer. They said, Hello, this is where you want to take your life. Are you on your way yet?

Sitting there, with a trail of turkey gravy still remaining on the plate before me, I wondered if it were possible. Happy children, happy even into adulthood. Peace with my God and thankfulness for the things He has gifted to me. Peace with myself and the paths I had chosen to follow. I still don't know that. I somehow wished the spreadsheet would make a quick calculation when I entered into it information about my past experiences, my current dilemmas, my fears and expectations, and let it spit out to me the answer. But this spreadsheet was not that sofisticated. Computers can't do everything.

We have a chalkboard in our kitchen. I put quotes on it, and change those quotes periodically. I looked at Chris and directed him to put something up on our board to begin us correctly on the goals we had set.

He wrote, "Begin with the end in mind." It seemed appropriate for us. To remember the vision first, and take the steps to get there.