A Bit of Good Advise

I once told a friend of mine, who wondered how to deal with the reality of life, you need to pray when it gets hard, pray when you have a million reasons to give thanks, pray in between, and live your life. It was excellent advise, I think.

Too bad there are days when I can't even follow my own advise. Today was one of those days for me. I am so good at dishing out good tidings to other people, patting, encouraging, hoping. I enjoy doing that. I want people to feel o.k. I want them to feel better again.

It's just that sometimes I can't do that for me. Sometimes, I just have to find a quiet place, because I feel so exposed. I wear my emotions all over myself, so it is obvious when I am overwhelmed or sad or upset. I don't want people to see that I am on occassion not strong. Actually, my skin is rather thin. Sometimes not protective at all.

It is also hard to show off your flaws. I feel like I wear mine like girl scout badges sometimes, displayed on a big green sash for all to see. My Cry-Too-Easily Badge. My Regret Badge. My I'm-Not-A-Perfect-Mom badge. There are many others, I assure you.

So, today, I wore my badges. I wore them to work, and then to my daughters' dance class, and even wore them at the dinner table. When my mom finally called me, the tears started rolling, because it had been coming on all day, and sometimes just at the sound of her voice, I am a little child again.

After a good deal of me lamenting all my flaws and baggage, my mom said, "Jennifer, I think you're perfect. You are one of the most perfect people I know." Now, I know she is my mother, but I don't think she said it because she thought she had to. Despite my badges and my horrible display of misplaced emotion, I was still perfect to her. People who love you, who care about you and have no reason to judge you, have a knack for that. Seeing your perfection when clearly you are an utter representation of imperfection.

I felt better after that talk. I took a walk and felt very close to God. I am thankful that He has strategically placed people in my life right where they should be.

Here's a bit of a poem to reflect some feelings of the day.


Favor

Descending
Like an ax
Splits me
In two
Down the
Middle
I fall
An apple
In two
Halves
I am
Exposed
The bruise
Unnoticeable
On the red
Skin is deep
To the core
Could you
Kindly cut out
The ugly spots
Of me
If not
Why did you
Bother with
The knife anyway